Pain

Mental, emotional, physical. It doesn’t really matter… it all hurts. All of them can steal your mental health from you.

I’ve had all of the above. In fact, for the last several years, I’ve had increasing physical pain due to diagnoses of fibromyalgia, osteo- and rheumatoid arthritis. Generally speaking, rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is when your immune system starts attacking the healthy cells in your body. Yup, my body is slowly killing me. I suppose its retaliation for all the times I tried to do it myself.

Well I’m 60+ years old. I guess I might have suspected that since both my parents were taking prescription pain medications (not opiates) from sometime in their upper 50’s, it stood to reason I might experience ongoing pain too. I do. Persistent. Daily. All-Over pain. I’m not happy about it, but I do whatever I can to keep it at bay. I try to keep consumption of things like Tylenol and Advil to a minimum in order to spare my liver and kidneys – both of which have had problems over the years.

With all this physical pain comes emotional pain. I can’t help but wonder if – maybe – I was Hitler in a previous life and I’m paying for it now! Sure, would be nice to know what I’m being punished for… assuming there’s some sort of angry, spiteful deity involved. If not, it’s just bad luck and, more likely, a really bad diet and exercise regimen.

Seriously, if you’ve got a good diet going (good portion control, good food choices), and a good exercise regimen going, Keep It Up or Suffer The Consequences! I exercised during my 30s and 40s from three to six times a week and usually felt like I’d just had a good tune-up when I was done. Don’t ever let life-circumstances drive you away from doing what’s good for you. If you have the disease of addiction, that goes double for you! Why? Because we tend to put our addictions before Everything Else that is important in our lives! When I started slacking off on my exercising, I was being emotionally and mentally beaten down by that job at Hennepin County. Ultimately, I ended up quitting my Lifetime membership. Even after I bought a Bowflex, I didn’t manage to re-establish a workout regimen. I’m not saying you’re like me… at least I hope you’re not!

You Do Not Want This Pain!

Then there’s avoidable pain. Those kinds of pain usually involve being abused by someone else. I know people currently living in those situations and my heart aches for them. For my part, I need to remind myself that I have no control over what they do for themselves.  I have no control over the choices they make. It is, in my estimation, a sort of addiction by itself. If I had to face an extreme change in my life, depending on what it was, I doubt if I’d do it willingly. There is comfort, even in pain, as long as it is something we can count on. People who aren’t in the throes of it will not see it that way, but I can. Quitting drugs and drinking was HARD too. Quitting a life you’ve grown used to is just as hard. That’s why I call it an addiction. There is denial and fear – two driving forces – involved in staying in an abusive relationship.

Maybe ‘avoidable’ wasn’t the right word. “Normies” (those people who don’t have addiction issues) can successfully ‘avoid’ drinking and drugs without batting an eye. If abusive relationships really are addiction, then ‘choice’ is absent. We can be addicted to just about anything, so I’ll take back my ‘avoidable’ statement.

You know who you are… Know that I Love you All and send you healing thoughts Daily.

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One thought on “Pain

  1. Update to my pain – I switched back to methotrexate as of last night. This morning, after my throwing-up jag, I have noticed that the pain has subsided quite a bit. I am grateful for that.

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